Hatred and Low Self-Esteem

So I was google-ing around for a Fat Acceptance *anything*

in the Orlando Area and I found some random thing,

like from a newsgroup or something where this totally

random person, in all hir wisdom, proclaimed thusly

in regards to fat people:

> >>I’m losing weight strictly due to the health consequences before they

> >>get any worse…

> >>Living with chronic pain is no fun. Losing some lbs. is helping.

> >>So are the specific regular exercises prescribed by my therapist.

>

> > I too began losing weight in order to reduce my diabetes risk, improve my

> > gout

> > and lower my cholesterol. Even with indulgent periods on South Beach, all

> > that

> > has happened and stuck. I didn’t lose weight because of how I looked or

> > how> >>I’m losing weight strictly due to the health consequences before they

> >>get any worse…

> >>Living with chronic pain is no fun. Losing some lbs. is helping.

> >>So are the specific regular exercises prescribed by my therapist.

>

> > I too began losing weight in order to reduce my diabetes risk, improve my

> > gout

> > and lower my cholesterol. Even with indulgent periods on South Beach, all

> > that

> > has happened and stuck. I didn’t lose weight because of how I looked or

> > how

> with 100+ lbs of lard hanging on it. Visceral fat interferes with the

> functioning of vital organs like the liver. Rolls of fat interfere with

> movement. Doing simple tasks make one short of breath, simply due to towing

> that load. Joints bear more weight than they were designed for and fail. It

> really is not so much about looks for me as it is about function. I watched

> my sisters become old women before their times. And this is aside from the

> cosmetic considerations.

>

> As for sex, if you look hard enough you can find people who like to be

> pooped on. It cannot therefore be that hard to find people who think the

> rubbery suit filled with lard (this is your body on obesity) is sexy.

>

> Self acceptance for the sake of self acceptance is more than overrated. It’s

> pure fucking duncery.


To which I began to respond :

“No. “Pure fucking duncery,” at least as I see it, is feeling entitled to insult and dehumanize people based on their appearance or “physical health” as you measure it according to your own standards of acceptability.

It seems to me that YOU have a mental health condition. Not that I’m a doctor or anything. But. Hey.

Does that make me qualified to say that you should be locked up and/or penalized for the utterly baseless, stupid, insulting shit that comes out of your mouth? No.

And you aren’t qualified to judge anybody’s health based on their fucking appearance.

If you ain’t got anything nice to say, STFU. I swear. You know why people get so incensed when this is questioned? Because for a very long time, treating fat people with utter disregard has been acceptable and normalized. So small-minded folks who have no other leg to stand on to judge people have “enjoyed” this form of abuse, basically without any consequences. The little “Napoleon” complex inside people really comes out when they have to deal with this issue.

You don’t talk about or to people in this way if there isn’t SOMETHING eating at your own soul; I have to remind myself of that. A well-balanced, well-adjusted person has no need to cause pain for another person, even if something needs to be said or if some sort of behavioral intervention is needed- if someone is doing something that is harmful to hirself. A person with hir head on hir shoulders can find a way to voice concern without insult.

However, empathetic as I may be (and no matter how much science, or whatever, backs me up) that doesn’t change the fact that whether I weigh 100 or 500lbs I am still a human being and respect is a right, not a privilege. Nobody has the right to talk to me like I’m a piece of shit; and nobody has the right to violate the rights of another to decent fucking treatment.

So Ms/Mr “IknoweverythingaboutfatpeopleandOMFGaretheydisgusting”, your opinion is heard, and duly disregarded as utterly wrong and uneducated.

Signed,

Elaina- a very fat person who would rather not be your friend anyway”

And then, upon re-reading- which is why one should always

read something more than once before they respond to it-

I realized that this was not some skinny-supremacist

douche just wailing on us fat folks.

No.

This is a fat person talking.

While it makes me sad in a lot of ways that this person has

so thoroughly internalized the dominant culture’s paradigm

that says fat people are worse than Nazis barbecuing baby harp seals

in front of small Jewish children and then making them eat them, It makes me more angry, even, than sad.

I know that people take on this attitude as a survival mechanism. I

know that folks are vulnerable to all the poo-poo moments that come with living under teh patriarchy.

But still. Your fat isn’t where the problems are. Our culture has given us the perception that hurting and shaming are signs of dominance- and it’s given us the lesson that only the dominant survive, or even have the right to exist.

Even if you don’t fit the dominant paradigm, you can garner favor with those who do have power by internalizing the dominant voice, and then externalizing it in the form of self-shame, and shaming others who don’t strive to be what they “are supposed to be.”

I have heard folks in the fatosphere say that trolls and other hurtful people don’t necessarily suffer from low self-esteem. I don’t necessarily believe that low-self esteem is the thing that they really suffer from. I think it’s more apt to say that anyone who wishes to assert dominance by any kind of force- be that on the interwebs or through asshatted and oppressive forms of legislation- do it out of fear of losing privilege.

I think those of us who exhibit these behaviors while inhabiting rungs relatively lowly slung on the “totem pole” of teh patriarchy do it out of sheer, unadulterated skeertness in response to one of their few privileges- that of being able to poke fun, humiliate, and degrade a group of people with impunity- being taken away.

I get sick of the debating part. I think this is the crux of it. I shouldn’t have to reference 800 health journals to get treated like a decent human being so long as I am acting like a decent human being. And I should always be treated like a human being, because I am one, even if I weigh a thousand pounds. Anyone who would take this kind of tone with anyone, including themselves, has some underlying issue that they refuse to identify.

Gah.

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